5 Ways to Feel More Connected to Your Pleasure!

pleasure

Sep 7

What does “pleasure” even mean?

Pleasure is such a buzz word, that the true essence behind the word has sort of gotten lost in translation. The Google dictionary states pleasure as “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment” or, “to give sexual enjoyment or satisfaction to”.
Google isn’t necessarily wrong, but pleasure is SO. MUCH. MORE. THAN. THIS. 👏🏼

The key point that Google fails to mention is that the feeling of pleasure is unique for every single person. Pleasure also changes for each individual. What turns you on one day, might not the next. I mean, haven’t we all experienced being super turned on by a specific stroke and then minutes later it’s just not what we want? What turns you on one minute, might not even be pleasurable a few moments later.

So, what does it mean to be connected to your pleasure?

To know your body’s turn ons + turn offs
To be able to advocate for your own pleasure
To honor your body and meet your pleasure daily
To view pleasure as a whole-body experience, not just experienced by your genitals
To embody pleasure in the way you walk, talk, move, etc.
and so much more…

You know those humans that just ooze sex and everywhere they go, people are magnetically drawn to them.

That’s what being connected to your pleasure feels like.

You might be sitting there thinking to yourself, “I want to ooze sex!!! How do I do this?”
Or maybe, you already walk the talk and wonder why you’re still reading.
You’re here because our connection to our own pleasure is limitless.

Pleasure is expansive. magical. cosmic. universal. You will never reach your “max pleasure potential”.
Regardless of where your’e currently at in your relationship to your own pleasure, these five exercises will bring you even more expansion:

1. Boundaries, Desires & Turn-offs

Sit with your journal and write down three sections: Boundaries, Desires and Turn-offs.

Boundaries

What are your boundaries?
What are your boundaries with your body, either with yourself and/or a partner? Does it change based on gender? What are your boundaries when you’re ovulating vs. bleeding? What are your boundaries if you’re in a bad mood? What are your boundaries when you have a busy day?

How do you figure out your boundaries?
You learn what a “sacred NO” feels like in your body. And, then you discover what a “Full body YES” is.
Right where you are, yell as loud as you comfortably can - NO.
See how that felt? Did you notice your center tighten, the power in your voice… almost as if an energetic wall went up?

Now, say YES. Say it a couple times to really feel it.
Do you notice the curve of your smile? The energy in your body? The invitation for more?

Another way to view boundaries is: what needs do I need met to feel safe, in my body and open to receive?

For myself, I need some level of emotional depth and presence before any physical intimacy can be shared. Knowing this has helped me expand my own pleasure practice. If this is a requirement with others, why wouldn’t it be the same for self play?
I now know in order for me to feel deep pleasure with myself, I need to sit intentionally with my body, before engaging in stimulation.

Desires

What do you desire? What are your dreams, fantasies and turn-ons? This is between you, your pleasure and your journal - let yourself explore and imagine. Do you have a fantasy of threesomes and orgies? Do you want to explore BDSM with your lover? Do you desire more spiritual and intentional love making? Do you desire being fully accepted and celebrated for your vanilla tastes? Does your pleasure need more words and validation to be coaxed out of you? Do you want to explore the same gender as you?

You can also figure out what you desire by engaging with yourself.
Do you like firm, strong touch? Or light, soft tickles? Do you like the focus to be directly on your clit? Or do you prefer more time and attention to your vulva and labia?
How is anyone else going to know what you like, if you don’t?

Spend some time exploring your desires and then share them out loud - to your voice memos, a friend or your lover if you’re ready.
There is power in voicing and advocating for our pleasure.

Turn -offs

Similarly to your desires, it’s important to know what turns you off. Make a list of a few things that don’t feel good for you.
How much foreplay do you need? Do you feel turned off when a partner just goes straight to penetration?
Do you feel turned off when after sex, the intimacy is over?
What about when it’s always one position? Or there’s no emotional depth?

Most of us have been in sexual experiences that just didn’t hit the spot. Speaking for a heterosexual relationship, most guys don’t know that what they’re doing just isn’t doing it, unless you tell them.

Advocate for your pleasure!

2. Pussy Talk

It’s exactly how it sounds. Have you ever talked to your pussy?
Try it! If your’e in a coffee shop or with family, maaayybbee speak it in your mind. But seriously, talk to your pussy. She loves it.

This is a practice I learned from reading The Wild Woman’s Way by Michaela Boehm and it changed my life. I didn’t realize pussy talk could be so profound. I remember the first morning I tried it, I was shocked by what my pussy had to say back.
I woke up, looked at my pussy in the mirror and said, “How do you want to spend your morning?”
She said, “DANCE”.
Normally, I would choose a playlist on Spotify and start dancing. But this time, I asked her, “What do you want to listen to?”
And i kid you not….. I heard a little voice in my head go, “BEYONCE”.
Beyonce, I thought? What in the world… I haven’t listened to Beyonce since 8th grade.
But when pussy speaks to you, you listen. Beyonce it is.
I searched Beyonce in Spotify. And then I thought, “Ok, let’s see how much I can really let my pussy lead my life”
So i asked her, “Which song do you want?” and I heard the little voice say, “One”.
I picked the first song that popped up ~ of course, it was “Crazy In Love”, a throwback from Middle School and so I danced my pre-teen heart out.

My pussy lit up. She was so full of life, and as a result I was so full of life.

This is when I really knew the magic of pussy talk.

”I want to talk to my pussy, but how do I do it?”
When you wake up in the morning, while still lying in bed, cup your hands around your yoni and take 3 deep breaths.
When you step out of bed, either look down at her or in the mirror and say, “Good morning pussy”
or whatever feels good for you. You can even give her a secret, sexy name that’s only between the two of you.

Witness her light up. We go throughout our days noticing our hands, and maybe even our feet. But how often do you pay attention to your pussy as her own energetic being with needs and desires.
Throughout your day you can check in on her and see how she’s feeling. When you use the public restroom, sitting at your desk for work or working in the garden - any time is a good time to talk to your pussy.

(If you’re in public, maybe do it in your head? But if you feel confident to speak it out loud, more power to ya! That’s the energy we need in this world.)

3. Engage Your 5 Senses

Have a practice of engaging your 5 senses ~ sound, smell, taste, sight and touch.

Take a walk through the forest and feel the leaves brush your skin. Feel the rough bark. The grass between your toes. The chill of Autumn on your nose.

Cozy up on the couch with a warm cup of tea. Feel the blanket encompassing you. The smells of your home.

Lay in bed with your lover. Feel their skin, hair and lips brush across your hands. Close your eyes and smell their scent.

My favorite - When you’re sitting at work, or in a meeting, take the tip of your tongue and tickle it across the roof of your mouth. It feels so good!

Throughout your day, find ways to engage your senses to feel more connected to your body. It is so common to just “check out” throughout a huge chunk of our day, but being intentional with this practice brings more presence and awakens our bodies.

4. Find Daily Non-Sexual Pleasure

What is non-sexual pleasure?
Anything that brings you pleasure, minus the mainstream sexual context of foreplay, then oral, then penetration/sex.
Are we really that predictable?

Here are some ways I enjoy non-sexual pleasure:

Take a warm bath - with flower petals, oil and epsom salts.
Go on a walk in nature & feel all the plants tickle my skin. (without my phone!!!)
Book a massage.
Cook a nourishing, warm meal that supports my menstrual cycle.
Drink a yummy Cacao elixir.
Do a couple rounds of breath work.
Take sexy photos with my best friends or solo.
Dance! Move my hips, twerk, shake my ass - call on my inner stripper.
Jump in the ocean. (this was a lot easier on the East Coast, but ice baths and cold therapy brings me pleasure too!)
Read an erotic book.
Sit intentionally with my yoni - breathing into her.
Yin yoga, stretching or self massage.
How do you experience non-sexual pleasure?

5. Nourish Your Womb

Some of my go-to ways to nourish my womb are:

Medicinal herbal teas ~ Raspberry leaf, Red Clover, Damiana, Black Cohosh and Rose.
Yummy Elixirs to support fertility + hormones ~ anything from Womb & Earth is my favorite.
Castor Oil packs or Herbal Moon Pillows.
Self Abdominal Massage with oil.
Eating nutritional meals that support fertility, womb wellness & gut health.
p.s. one of my future projects is a cook book, so stay tuned!
Speak positive affirmations to her.
Yoni mapping with a Cervical Wand.

Sitting with the intention to nourish your womb is such a powerful way to connect deeper to your inner feminine. Our wombs do so much for us. We transmute and process through so much every single cycle… it’s important to give some extra TLC to our wombs.

If you desire connecting more to your pleasure, try one of these five things for a week. See if you notice a shift.

I would love to hear how your journey of connecting to your pleasure goes. If you resonate with any of these practices, or try them out, please comment below! I’d also love to hear any other suggestions for connecting to your pleasure.

With love,

Courtney Noël ♥